Afternoon Adventure
by Zanza-Chan
Summary: A boring afternoon in the Sparda house leads a pair of five year old twins to go exploring. One shot of pure nonsense. Rated for language and suggestions of Sparda's use of free time. Another oddball DMC fic by Zanza-chan


(Author's Note: This is just a bit of spoofy fun. xD I don't know how old the boys were when Sparda died, this was just for kicks. I don't own any of the characters.)

Afternoons in the Sparda household were truly a boring time. Unfortunately, it is a commonly known fact that five year old boys and boredom is a sorry sort of mix. The Sparda twins, coming down off of a bustling afternoon of juice and the Wonder Pets, now sat in the living room of the home they, and their parents Sparda and Eva lived in. One of the twins, clad in a blue t-shirt and a pair of khaki pants, had simply decided to content himself with a Rubix cube. In fact, he'd been fighting with this damned block since that morning, and it was beginning to get on his nerves. His brother, dressed in a red version of the same outfit, poked his head over the boy's shoulder, peering at the blasted puzzle. He had been watching Vergil get more and more annoyed as time passed, and to make matters worse, when he was playing with the Rubix cube, he wasn't playing with _him_.

Dante made a quiet noise, attempting to snare Vergil's attention, to no avail. Vergil was elbow deep in this frustrating game, determined to work it out one way or another. It should be simple, damn it! All you had to do was line up the fucking colors. But no, Vergil thought, narrowing his blue eyes. It wasn't that simple, was it? Oh no. No it most certainly was not. Dante, frustrated now by his brother's lack of drive to play, nudged his shoulder. Vergil glanced up at that, but grunted a reply and looked back down at the Rubix cube in his hands, furiously twisting the thing around in a hundred different ways. He would make this work; there was just no other option.

His brother sat back now, thinking about how he was going to resolve this. He wanted to play, or go outside, or do something more amusing that watch Vergil fight with that dumb toy. Their dad wasn't home, so he felt sure they could get into something fun…so long as Sparda didn't catch them doing it. "Vergil, let's go outside." Dante declared, looking wistfully out the window. "No." Vergil replied shortly. "Why not?" his brother whined, climbing to his feet. "Because." The blue clad twin told him, giving the Rubix cube another spiteful twist.

"I'm busy." Dante narrowed his glittering blue gaze and then an idea occurred to him. Fine, if Vergil wasn't going outside with him of his own free will, he'd give him no choice. Dante reached down swiftly, taking the Rubix cube right out of Vergil's hands, and tossing it over his shoulder with more force than should be allotted for a five year old boy. Vergil gasped at the sudden wrenching motion, and then stood up, glaring at his brother. "What'd you do that for?!" he demanded, heading past Dante to where he'd thrown the toy.

Dante simply grinned. "You wouldn't play with me unless I took it." His brother only scowled, and proceeded past him. "Where'd it go?" Vergil wanted to know, searching the hallway for the cube shaped object. The only thing more frustrating than that Rubix cube was having it taken away from you half way through solving it. "I dunno." Dante said with a dismissive shrug, looking over his shoulder at Vergil, who was now scaling the long hallway where his twin had thrown it. "Dummy…" Vergil hissed, turning his head in time to see the irritating, colorful object lying on the carpet of Sparda's office. The boy's eyes snapped wide. Shit. Shit shit shit. Dante peeked around Vergil to see where it had fallen, and promptly burst into a fit of laughter.

"Hah! You'll never get it now!" he crowed, turning to go, at least until he saw Vergil advance cautiously through the door way. "Vergil!" he breathed. "You can't go in there!"

"Yes I can." Vergil insisted. "I want my toy back." Dante stared at him, horrified. They had been threatened with life and limb f they dared venture into the one corner of the house that Sparda considered sacred. Suddenly, Dante's more mischievous side decided that maybe there was a reason that they weren't allowed to go in there. And now…he wanted to know. He grinned sort of slyly. "Okay…well, be careful." Vergil glanced warily at his brother, whose sudden change of attitude sort of worried him. "Okay…" he grumbled, slipping into the office. His socked feet touched the bare carpet of the office, and to his surprise, nothing exploded, nothing caught fire, and he was still alive.

Dante snuck in after his brother, seeing that there was no eminent danger; at least not to their physical person. The place was clean…almost too clean, the boys realized immediately. Sterile, almost…creepy. Dante cringed. This office reminded him of a hospital, not a leaf of paper out of place, not a speck of dust to be seen. Vergil scuffled to the center of the room, snatched up his Rubix cube, and fled for the doorway. "Dante, come on! We're gonna get caught!" Vergil called to Dante, who was now sneaking up on the desk, like a cat on some elusive mouse. "Danteeeee…" the blue twin hissed, desperately trying to get his brother out before something bad happened to them.

"Come back in here, Verg. It's safe." Dante said in a low voice, climbing his way into the tall chair at the desk. On the desk was a large book, labeled "Big Ass Book of Poetry, Volume 8". He had no idea what "poetry" was, and so, with a five year olds curiosity, he popped the book open. At first, there were just a bunch of words, and being unable to read yet, this bored him instantly. Flipping through, there was a dent in the pages, and by the time Vergil climbed into the chair with him, Dante had picked it out. On the cover was a woman, standing in a provocative pose, scantily clad, and blowing a kiss to whoever picked it up.

Dante's eyes snapped wide, and he made a noise like a gasp. Vergil simply stared, saying nothing. "Verg…what's she doin'?" Dante muttered. Vergil shook his head once, and Dante slipped the cover open, to reveal pages, and pages, and pages of more of these women, wearing, if anything, skimpy little articles of lace that left very little to the imagination. They were in all kinds of poses, too, from lying down, to standing with their backs…and other things, exposed, and by the time they had gotten through the entire magazine, Dante and Vergil were snickering incessantly. The click of the front door alerted them that their father was home, and they stuffed the red crayon into the drawer, scurrying from the room, and back into the living room, where they "acted natural", as Dante put it. Sparda blinked in their direction, scanning their behavior passively. They both offered him an innocent smile and a "hi daddy", before returning to what they were doing.

"That was close." Dante breathed, looking over his shoulder at Sparda's disappearing form. Vergil nodded gravely. "Let's go outside just in case he finds out what we did…" With a nod of agreement, the twins bolted from the house, and to the play ground on the other side of the grounds.

Safely closed in his office, Sparda looked down at his desk, where his usual book was sitting. Something looked different, though…The pages were ruffled. He opened the book to find his 'magazine' sitting there. On the cover, were moustaches and other things drawn all over the woman, the same done to the others throughout the magazine. Horrified, his head snapped up, and he closed the book with a quick motion. "Dante…" he growled, turning his head towards the window. Below the window, the twins gasped.

"He would blame me." Dante groaned. Vergil snickered. Good kid for the win. "Better get running." He told his brother, who immediately sprinted for safety. Not that it would do him any good. A very angry Demon King was not that easily deterrered.


End file.
